“It’s first and goal, and this thing could get even uglier…” (ABC broadcaster, Brad Nessler, after an Ohio State interception late in the fourth quarter) Uglier?  It was already 42-13. How does that get… uglier? If you put Lipstick on a pig, yes, it’s still a pig. But it doesn’t get uglier.  Not unless you wipe the lipstick off that little piggy, and let it bury its snout back in the trough.  Which I suppose is fitting, being that lipstick is Scarlet… and slop is made of Maize.

The hammer returned to Ann Arbor Saturday and did exactly what a hammer does. It pounded the nail. Their fourth straight defeat, Michigan now has 11 losses in the last 12 meetings, making the word “rivalry” hard to say without air quotes.   

The Buckeyes ran angry. But it was the Wolverines that saw red. The red cleats of pulling guards stomping through blitz packages. The red stripe on J.T. Barrett’s helmet, sprouting a new decal sticker with every blur across the goal line. And of course, the red #15 on Ezekiel Elliott’s jersey. Though Michigan defenders mostly only saw the back of that, with Ezekiel rushing for the length of Michigan Stadium. Twice.

Earlier in the week, it was Michigan head coach, Jim Harbaugh, who rallied his team around the gravesite of Hall of Fame inductee and storied Wolverine head coach, Bo Schembechler. With Coach Bo watching above, and his team watching below, Harbaugh paid respects by pulling out a buckeye nut, and then smashing it with a giant sledge. Theatrics are cool. Especially in the cemetery. But when your buckeye nut explodes in fewer pieces than points the actual Buckeyes score on Saturday, well then Harbaugh, we have a problem.

Going into the game, Michigan was 10 seconds and an ‘almost punt’ against Michigan State from being ranked among the top 4 in the College Football Playoff rankings. Ohio State had just fallen out of said rankings after suffering a difficult home loss against the same Big Ten Title attendee Spartans. The slide of the reigning College Football Champions fueled claim that THE Ohio State football team was just an overrated titleholder that slept its way through a powder puff schedule.  

Evidence for both sides were reviewed by Sin City, who answered public opinion by announcing Ohio State as a mere 1-point favorite in its contest with the Wolverines. Seems about right. Except the thing with sleeping giants is that sometimes they do the unthinkable. They wake up. And when they wake up, they cover the spread.    

So Round One of the Meyer/Harbaugh era is in the books, ending the same way that most big games with Urban do. Wearing lipstick. Specifically, a Scarlet shade his wife, Shelley, plants on his cheek after the Gatorade bath runs its course.   

As for Jim, it’s back to the Maize. And 365 days in the trough. Where you need a lot more than milk to wash down that slop.