Blackness, Feminism, and Life In Between: A Letter To My Teenage Self

Dear young Queenie, 

I wish to hold you warm and close with these words of truth and wisdom. With these words, I pray you learn LIFE and survival because, although this world is not made to keep you, you are a keeper of this world, and you must create a safe space for those who can survive it. Now, Queenie, listen up, as I explain to you how to navigate life in between your blackness and your femininity. 

Creator: robeo | Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Copyright: Robert Byron

Primarily, there is always a question of identity present and you must remain aware of that. When asked who we are, we tend to inadequately answer with a what: an emotion, an occupation, a title, a name. As intelligent beings, we have yet to describe a qualifying set of words that answer this question.

Indeed, Queenie, you are more than what any word can be a metaphor for. Indescribable. Priceless. All that and a bag of chips, plus a dab of hot sauce. You are these and more.

Still, on this earthly plane, you will identify as two things: Black and Woman.

Though you may feel like they are two different things, they are still categories under which you fit and must learn to accept, love, and nurture. 

Queenie, you'll find power in being a woman, but not before you find power in being Black. Some may argue the point that perhaps you should be a woman first and support womankind, and that is okay too.

Embracing your femininity as a natural-born woman means reaching goddess status, and there is no being more beautiful, strong, and capable. Falling in love with your mind, body, and soul is key to understanding what makes you a force.

Commanding your wiles and carrying yourself as a virtuous woman is an intoxicating experience and you, my love, have exactly what it takes to love yourself into your greatest form. Embracing what it means to be Woman is developing the tools to uplift, mobilize, inspire, and lead an entire nation of men, women, and children, even if that nation is your own lineage.

Still, Queenie, there is no denying the blackness in your DNA, and that means something entirely different than what it means to be Woman. 

Being Woman means nurturing yourself and educating your family. Being Woman means knowing men like you know women (but don't let the guys know!).

Being Woman means exercising wisdom and discernment. It means understanding your power and then knowing when and how to use it. Being Woman means embodying every emotion on the planet and walking in the envy of man.

Being Woman means being the living, breathing archetype of everything from countries to cars. Being Woman means holding the sun in your smile and the stars in your eyes.

Being Woman means caring for the mounds, canyons, rivers, and plains that landscape your body. Being Woman is standing in virtue, respect, and nobility. Being Woman is knowing Love, but it is also knowing what it means to be hated.

Being Woman is being objectified and subject to misuse and under-utilization. Being Woman means being doubted. Being Woman means not being good enough...ever.

Being Woman means your strength, wit, and intelligence are contested at every turn. Being Woman means second-class citizenship and being discounted.

It is having your kindness and compassion mistaken as weakness. It is having a menstrual cycle that could cripple Hercules every single month.

Being Woman is then having hot flashes during menopause that would give Schwarzenegger a tan. Being Woman is birthing every human being on this planet and still having your vagina synonymous with fragility. These things are what it means to really, truly be Woman. 

Now, to walk a life of a Black person is to love yourself just enough to have it not inconvenience anyone else. Being Black means wanting to educate your family without having received the education yourself.

Being Black means division of various kinds is normal. Being Black means having to awaken into your power after not knowing it was there all along.

Being Black means to hide your truest emotions or find a way to express them intelligently so as to not sound off the Nigga Alarm other races are so eager to set off. Being Black means watching mainstream media enjoy your culture and defame you at the same time.

Being Black is knowing your ancestors contributed so much to this country and dealing with your deep disdain for its lack of appreciation for it. Being Black means knowing you are still worth a third of a person when no one wants to make room for you on the sidewalk.

Being Black is wondering if you'll die every time you get pulled over. Being Black is having "the talk" with your children and teaching them how to behave with little faith that it will matter in the grand scheme of things. Being Black is being a stand-up citizen and still feeling the risk of driving/walking/swimming/playing/gathering while Black.

Being Black means having the sun in your hair and the universe in your soul and still wondering if you are great enough or worthy enough to have your actual life mean something to someone else. Being Black is standing is solidarity for your people while being forced to choose between consent or death.

Being Black means turning the other cheek when a punch in the face is due. Being Black is fear and love and fearing love all at once. But it isn't always a daunting thing to be Black. 

To be Black also means being so cool and suave that everybody wants to look, walk, talk, move, and sing like you. To be Black means you have a natural talent for greatness in ANYTHING you find is your passion.

To be Black is to let your thick hair reach outward like a sunburst behind your head. To be Black is to easily connect to the Source of all creation. To be Black is to be an embodiment of trendsetting creativity.

It is to be influence itself. To be Black is to be best friends with the elements. To be Black is to be envied and even feared.

To be Black is to be the majority. To be Black is to dominate the gene pool. To be Black is to have the power to make or break any system and to be resilient.

To be Black is to share knowledge, to tell stories, and to be the home from which all things have come. These things are what it means to be Black, Queenie. 

Life between Blackness and Feminism is a unique one, but in the end, it is all about balance. When you have an imbalance, you have inequality. Humans are the only species that defy the 

Laws of nature just because they can, but the laws are there to keep order and maintain harmony. Lionesses typically do not fight Lions; they know their place in the pride and have found peace with their roles.

Bucks do not go shaving off their horns to try to be a doe. They live life the way they naturally were created.

Keep your purpose in mind and fill the roles you need to fill as necessary. In one moment, your role may be to follow while in the next moment, you are to lead.

Remember, you have the wisdom to determine the difference. In the same vein of living a purpose-driven life, note that your "tribe" will come with its own movements.

When it comes to race, there will be many movements to support, but when it comes to sex, you'll be faced with one question: Am I a feminist? 

As my younger self, I must inform you of my take away from the feminists of today. Their movement has come to suggest to me that women can AND MUST do what men do.

That is not how it started. If I am not mistaken, the feminist movement came about because some intelligent woman said, "Hold up. Behind every great man is a woman. Why are you treating me like property instead of your queen?"

Having equal access to money, business, education, and property, and having the right to vote are notions I can stand behind. However, changing the narrative to "Women should do everything for themselves because men are obsolete!" is a ridiculous and irrationally fashioned concept. 

Perhaps the focus on the feminine is a long, drawn out destined response to the patriarchal society in America that aimed to stifle Feminine Power for so many years. Either way, with all of its good and not-so-good elements, the feminist movement has developed over time into a gift and a curse.

The deeply skewed view of independence for women should call into review what this disproportion may mean for family values, especially for Black families. There are already systems in place to break up the family dynamics and attack Black men.

The welfare system, for example, made it imperative to nurture the idea of a single, independent woman. With this in mind, it does not take rocket science or religion to see how feminism has transformed into a societal fad that celebrates the deprivation of male roles and identity.

Confusion and imbalance has come from modern day feminism and has, in turn, helped to break the basics of family dynamics. 

Family should be important to you, Queenie, because that is your legacy. Protecting your tribe is protecting your legacy, so be very careful to whom you are loyal.

Not all blood is your family and not all family is blood. Choose your inner circle the way you would choose your future mate.

You are Woman, yes. You are Black, yes. Although it is helpful to know which side you will take, should you ever need to choose one over the other, remember that you are everything.

Knowing when to be one way or the other is key when dealing with your immediate and global family. Master it. That is what being Black and Woman is about. 

Being Black and Woman is being bold. It’s commanding the space you hold and having the audacity to claim it loud and clear with elegance and poise.

It’s having the range to be “ethnic” and “high-class” like there’s no difference between the two. It’s walking in your truth and refusing to apologize for it.

It’s being emotional and vulnerable and not being afraid to show it. It’s birthing nations, training up valiant children, owning profitable businesses, and still being an awesome wife and mother.

It’s taking on your role in your families, personal and otherwise, and working it because that’s just what you do. It looks like running the world in front of and behind the curtains. It looks like wealth, nice cars, and cigars on Saturday and chicken dinner plates from Miss Mable down at the church on Sunday.

It’s supporting Black business, Black women, Black men, Black children, and everything else Black. It’s pouring love into the Black community with your child care, baked goods, credit services, clothing line, or hair salon.

Being Black and Woman is celebrating the next woman’s beauty and glory while acknowledging your own. Being Black and Woman is more wonderful than not. 

Now, Queenie, I must leave you with some advice. Know who you are by way of observation, meditation, and prayer.

Results mirror your alignment to your purpose and are congruent with your choices and your indecision. Know your history in this land. Understand how you, the Black Woman, directly affects economics, culture, and politics, and use that to your advantage.

Refrain from entertaining dubious minds and manufactured public opinions of the Black Woman, for you will find they inaccurately portray you. Always use your powers for good, aim to be of service through inspiration with truth, and, by the way, you are beautiful. Treat yourself like you would a superstar; your light can shine just as bright if you let it. 

NOTE: This piece will be featured in “A Teenager's Guide to Feminism” published by Pear Shaped Press.