When You Finally Have All The Time In The World And None Of The Motivation

I make lists. Lists for what I’m going to do when I get home from work. Lists for what to do over the weekend. Lists of things to do when I finally get some time. If I didn’t have to work, I’d get so much done. 

If I only had more time. 

Here it is, the summer of 2020. I have no job, no appointments, no playdates with my mates at the local pub to distract me from my lists. I have nothing but time. Be careful what you wish for, right? 

At first, I was up every day at 6 A.M. searching for jobs, finally doing some yoga, running more regularly, cleaning the house floor to ceiling, removing weeds from the front and back yards, everything but cleaning out the garage, because who ever really wants to do that anyway? 

Week 2 of the Great Pandemic of 2020 went about the same. As did week 3. I was running regularly, doing my home gym workouts, even starting on that novel I had in my head for months. 

Then week 3 – ½ hit. I went from all the energy in the world to sitting on the couch for 12 hours straight binge-watching Outlander, The Mandalorian, which of course resulted in binging the Star Wars Clone Wars animated series. 

Without anything to trick my mind into thinking I deserved a good night’s sleep, I would lay awake until 2 A.M., 4 A.M., 6 A.M. I started waking up every day at the crack of noon, spending my days doing online word puzzles, wondering what day of the week I was in, doing no yoga, no yard work, no yoga, no running, no working on the novel, and still didn’t start on the garage. I have all the time on the world, and none of the motivation.

Is there a happy ending? Well, I’m still working on that. I tried something somewhat drastic. 

I rebooted myself, like a stubborn computer with a bad wi-fi connection. I stayed up all night and all day, busying myself with doing chores like an over-tired zombie. 

Then I turned off the TV and went to sleep at a decent hour. I still didn’t sleep much, but I woke up at my usual 6 A.M., did some yoga, wen for a run, and washed my bed linens, still no garage.

I wouldn’t say I’m the most motivated person, but I feel like I’m out of my funk. There is something comforting about just going through familiar motions, like a Beatlemania version of my previous existence.

It’s still summer of 2020. The entire country is still in lockdown, sort of, but not really. 

My TV and I are taking a break from each other. The governor of my state said we could go to pubs, so I went. It felt good. 

The restaurants are open too, but I can eat their food at home. There’s something about getting a drink poured by a friend, shouting at another friend over the noise just so we can discuss the current situation, leaving a generous tip, grabbing some drive-thru Taco Bell, and re-reading old novels. 

I might start to work on the garage tomorrow, but I wouldn’t count on it.